I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
