im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
