Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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