God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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