the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
