so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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