The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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