is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
