my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
