another moral hangover. fuck.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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