Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize