guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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