why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
