i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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