I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
