so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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