OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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