The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
