i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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