your parents love me but you hate me
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
