96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
