Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
