no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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