she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
