Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
