I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
