Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
