I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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