my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
