I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I wish there were birth control emojis
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
