Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
