I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
