I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
