rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
