Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
