I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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