Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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