apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
