i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
