if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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