how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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