dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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