took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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