have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
