Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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