As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
