Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
