Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize