I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
