I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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