I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
