i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
