I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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