if you like me you must not know who I am
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
