I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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