So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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