If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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