i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
