I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
