these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
