Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
