your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
