Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
