I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
