How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
