I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
