I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
