You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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