I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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