Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
