my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
