We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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